How I Healed My Throat Chakra After Years of Bullying and Found My True Voice
I learned to read by watching sing-alongs. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve singing into a microphone as I watched Shirley Temple movies on my grandparents’ projector screen. I loved to use my voice. I loved to sing until I didn’t. Until that fateful day in second grade when our seat assignments changed and I was behind a boy who would be the first to point out that my voice was different.
“Say first again.”
“First”
“Haha! Everyone, Chelsie sticks her tongue out when she says “first!” She must be stupid!”
I was asked to repeat other words, which I did, and everyone laughed. Everyone laughed and I shut up. This event was significant enough to earn a referral to speech therapy, which I happily participated in from 2nd to 8th grade.
We moved to a smaller town and things got worse. The bullying for my lisp, weight, looks, etc. continued at school, and I was among the first generation to have the bullying continue at home with the internet. At 10 years old, I opened my AOL e-mail to hear that “you’ve got mail!” and proceeded to read an e-mail that would haunt me. TW: Suicide.
“Chelsie,
No one likes you. You should kill yourself so no one has to hear your stupid voice ever again. No one would care.”
I wish I could tell you that was the worst it got. As I grew up, the bullies just got more confident and creative with their techniques. A particular group of boys would make hissing sounds every time I was asked to speak in class. The cyber-bullying continued. It wasn’t until I was able to dual enroll at the local community college in the second half of my senior year that I was able to find some reprieve from the tormenting.
I have every reason in the book to hide my voice. It would make perfect sense for me to protect myself from ever having to experience that pain again.
But here I am, and it’s all because of the inner work I’ve done to heal the wounds that lived in my throat chakra.
The Wound: How Bullying Impacted My Voice
Before I did the inner work, I was holding myself back in every way. I didn’t think that I had anything valuable to offer from my voice. While I loved theatre and music as a child, I stopped taking any music courses as soon as it wasn’t required for me to continue. Choir would have been a fun experience if I weren't petrified of putting myself in a position for my voice to be judged. I dreamed of auditioning for plays, but imagined the audience laughing at me as soon as an “S” came spitting through my teeth.
As it became time for me to be an adult, I did what every traumatized millennial who was obsessed with personality quizzes in the back of magazines and became a therapist. Ah yes, I had found a job that would require me to listen more than talk. A job that would keep me safe. I wouldn’t be bullied by clients! I was helping them! If only 20-year-old me knew that her internship would be at a residential treatment center for teenage boys who would indeed project right onto her.
Part of my soul was content. I was helping people, and I knew that was part of what I wanted to do with my life. I couldn’t ignore this nudge, though. This little girl within me dreamed of being creative. This little girl wanted to sing, act, dance, and write. This part of me kept nudging me to welcome those interests back into my life. I was convinced that none of those things would be safe. They would leave me vulnerable to being judged and belittled. It felt safer to be the space holder, so for years I swallowed my desires.
After years of being bullied, I believed them when they told me no one wanted to hear my voice. If no one wanted to hear my voice, then surely no one would want to see me use my voice in a creative way. I thought the only thing I had to offer the world was my holding space for others’ stories in my heart. Years of holding emotions in on top of stress from working in the mental health field, I burnt out.
In that burnout, I had to commit to my healing and that healing led me to learning about the chakras. When I learned about the throat chakra, a lot of what I was experiencing started to make sense.
Discovering Healing: The Throat Chakra Connection
Chakras are energetic centers that influence and are influenced by the way we feel, what we believe, and how we are experiencing life. Our throat chakra is the center of self-expression, truth, and communication.
I quickly made the connections to my throat chakra and my wounds from being bullied. I’d have these great ideas, but never trusted myself to speak them into reality. I was ready to start my own business, but that would require me to be visible which wouldn’t happen with a blocked throat chakra. If I wanted to make a difference in this world and truly understand myself, I would need to heal this wound.
Healing my throat chakra became a priority for me. Blue lace agate, amazonite, and aquamarine stones adorned my neck at all times. It didn’t matter to me if the crystals had “real” healing properties. The feeling of them being there would remind me why they were there in the first place. They served as a physical reminder of the healing work that I was doing.
When I would feel the stones sitting on my chest, I would remember to shift the way I was thinking about my voice. I had to unlearn all the beliefs that I held about my voice being annoying or sounding dumb. The narrative was that I wasn’t good enough, and my voice was a result of that. When I’d notice these thoughts, I’d address them with an affirmation. “I hate my voice” became “I’m learning to love my voice.” “No one cares to hear these ideas” became “These ideas are a gift from Source.”
Energy work took all of this to the next level. In one Reiki session, I could feel what felt like a marble jolting around in my throat chakra before finally releasing. I even had a coughing fit. Energy work has transformed my relationship with my throat chakra. It taught me how this energy center was a divine connection to Source and could be used to channel the most beautiful and meaningful words.
Just when I thought I had done all the shadow work there was to do around my voice, my friend, who is also a vocal coach and teacher, asked if I wanted to try out one of her lessons. In the first few minutes, she asked me to sing, “My name is Chelsie and I have a beautiful voice.”
Cue the feelings. Hello, next layer of healing!
Where I Am Now: Reclaiming My Voice & Celebrating Intuitive Creativity
I hadn’t realized a voice lesson would be such an impactful experience. We started talking about how much the work we do complements each other. She had a whole workshop called Karaoke to Catharsis that involved the chakras and a lot of my distance reiki sessions focus on chakra balancing and alignment. Then she spoke the words that bridged the gap between our worlds, “Your voice is the sound of your soul.”
Now, we offer a monthly chakra voice activation and Reiki healing meditation called Sound of Your Soul. This event is a chance to embody the healing work that I’ve been doing. It isn’t a technique or performance-focused event, so everyone participates with their cameras and mics off. It’s a celebration of your voice for YOU. My inner child is so thrilled to sing again.
I’m proud of myself for not letting the jerks win. I didn’t hide. I show up and share my story and gifts with thousands of people online. I’m writing poetry on a near-daily basis and I’m not looking for any external validation to deem whether or not it is a productive use of my time.
I no longer cringe hearing my voice come out of my mouth. That voice is the sound of my soul.
You’re invited to the next round of Sound of Your Soul! You deserve to feel the wholeness in your voice and confidence in your self-expression.
Thank you for witnessing my story. This blog is another step in embodiment. I won’t be the victim in this story. We are worthy of feeling strong, safe, and free.
What could you relate to in my story? I want to hear about your voice! Is your throat chakra in balance or feeling blocked? What questions do you have about healing the throat chakra?
